anger management

19th Jan12

trying to update as much but jus need to throw it out of my system!

this has been on my mind for sometime! 

when someone kinda say copy? pot calling kettle black! inspiration dun belong to jus you and i used the idea and i am copying ... what about you? well at least i worked my brains to add my own touches. seriously which part is it that is similiar? if i had to i say thank you it will be to Martha and Amy for sharing their ideas! 

also i really can't wait for 2nd quarter... hate being held back of my plans jus becos its not what you wished for... its not fair! i have every right to go ahead with what i want but i held back to not create another episode... i will hold my anger... 

Do not tell me plans that will upset me... esp if you know i had waited for thousand years for it to happen. Dun suggest something that seems the best cos it isnt with me... 

with all the anger ... i must grow stronger. i can do it. i must do it. i will prove myself i can handle it. i look forward to so much more in the coming months. i must be happy, i will be happy! 

where's time gone?

today is the 1st day i put Kou Yok on my shoulders since given birth... but definitely it isnt the 1st time my shoulders ached... i told myself somehow thou the packet of plaster had been sitting on the shelf for weeks... i didnt used them cos i wanted to push myself to the very last minute to give in to these medicated help.... it was silly of me but i managed to tahan pretty long before i got them slap on this early afternoon... (i did get vicks and medicated tua na oil on the achy shoulders applied by Gx on some nites cos the weather is so terrible... the rain is a killer...)

WHERE is TIME?

it wasnt where was I ... i was always around but seriously with 2 kids - a 2 year old who is had all the attention to herself... now trying to get hold of herself esp after the terrible accident she encountered weeks ago... getting herself out of trouble isnt what my TERRIBLE 2 baby R can do.... she is always testing my patience... doing the NOT To DO... everytime after i scream at her... i cry.... she is so poor thing, a very stubborn little one but with such sweetness once she realise her mistakes... we hug and cry and hold each other dearly.... i know i shouldnt but my patience seems no where to be found when i am exhausted... then the baby... baby A in another 7 more days she will be 2months old... sleepless mode is on once the clock hits MN! Schedules is like 2am milk+ nappy change - back to bed 3am... 5am milk+nappy then i can be up and walking to the living room carrying her in my arms sitting on the sofa till 7am! put her back in bed 7ish and from then till 8ish baby A would be up for milk.... and thats the time i start milk pumping (reduced to once a day...sadly), thats also the time i read FB and emails, bottle washing, prep the kids to shower, fix up bottles to last the whole afternoon, feed the kids, make them nap, and catch a wink if possible (not more than an hour...) dump laundry in, fix bottles for nite, wash bottles and both kids somehow wakes up at the same time and its time to clean baby A first, shower baby R then feed baby R dinner, wait for gx to be home to have my dinner if not i grab whatever is there, if he's home i get to wash more bottles and porridge pots and dishes... if not i would at least get the dried laundry with baby R's help, get them to bed and grab a wink before MN strikes... 

i am so tired but i am staying as strong as i can for many reasons... i need to be a better mum. i need to be more independent but now i still surviving with help from mil with my laundry hanging, preping baby R's lunch and she shops for my 2 babies on diapers and milk powder and some of my stuff... i am thankful. i am basically trapped at home from mon-fri... only out to see mum on Sat and so far Sundays are spent home to clear up stuff... but i have planned shopping trips to use up the vouchers we received from Baby A's full mth party, getting the gals new stuff that they need and also shopping for gx and my clothings for CNY... i am looking for basic stuff... nothing fanciful for myself since i am home always... so looking forward to retail therapy and looking forward to xmas... feasting on turkey! also there are 2 wedding coming up and i am not sure if baby A is coming along but i sure hope to look good on these 2 occasion to break away from my daily routine... i dun mean look like super model or really dressing up fancifully... but jus to be away from my  shorts and tee days.... not sure what i can fit into yet but i have planned for the gals for all the dec occasions...

i want to thank Dap and Wendy for their listening ears... appreciate the time given to me... i am thankful. Irene, i miss you very much! thou i am hardly on FB to chat thru the day with you, i am keeping up with your happy life via your blog... Shanice, i am also back to reading your blog while i pump in the morning... alot of adjustments to make, disagreements to swallow, little notes of thanks to my mum and aunts for their support thru the grey weeks i went thru... i still need my blog... i wish i can post more often but i shant be greedy...

the biggest happy event for November was held on 7th Nov... baby A's full month party which was almost canned because there was sadness over baby R's freak accident but it was decided that we held one for my side and for our friends... cos we didnt want to short change baby A... gx and i wanted to be fair to our newborn... alot of last minute touches like the stickers on the blackboard, cutting out alicia's name, that wasnt planned and i rushed out most of these details on the eve of the party... somehow before that i didnt have time to get my hands on it, no energy cos baby R's recovery was my focus... but i gave baby A's party final push adding things i didnt plan and esp on the day itself, setting up within 30mins was made possible with great help from my family members esp aunt A and nesa, things jus fall into place. at least i got to do something i like and esp for my gal's party...  its nothing huge and super fantastic but it made me happy to create my own dessert table within my means... 

sadly for our 2nd baby, i didnt take as many photos for baby A compared to when i had baby R... but i make it a point to do at least a session of photography for baby A and with her sis on popo's bed every Sat... and its been fun to get shots with my gals on the bed... i need a new external drive cos the one we have is filled and i have no time to delete whats unwanted and dangerously i have many photos unloaded yet... we were supposed to get one last Sunday but the rain spoilt our plans... i need a new lappy... more than an ipad but for our gal to keep baby R down when i have my hands busy with baby A.... seems like GX might invest in one as our little family's xmas present...

this was the very 1st session i had with the gals on baby A's actual full month

i am getting better with my time management, anger management still need adjustment... body ache management needs a knead soon.... but this won't go away even after a session of relieve... baby R is recovering well... praying hard the lines will go away but only time can tell and its gog to take 6months to see whats the result going to be like... applying aloe vera and sunscreen religiously for her... i need to shower baby A more attention then feed her, change her nappy and put her to bed.... afraid baby R gets jealous and also its takes more time to put baby R to calm down thus i cut short my bonding time with baby A... need to work on alot of things... more changes when new year comes... baby R will be starting school... meantime, i need to breathe and get back to my routine... this has been a nice little break. hope i can post at least once a week if not at least once a month... 

back to fixing bottles...

line on the line

first time when i went back to gynae after giving birth to baby R.. i went with my aunt K... Gx had to be back at work and couldnt accompany me... this time he came, after the nurse removed the bandage, i got home to help me take a pic of the line before the doctor came in... according to my gynae, its jus a line on top of my 1st cut... it sure is a line! so thin a line he had sewn my cut back! Gynae jus snipped the ends of the thread and told me he do the plastic surgery way, leave the thread there so the wound can heal thinly if not removing it, it will be a thicker line... he said its safe and will leave as a thin line on my belly.... 

gifts for baby A

 Thank you Aunty Ser and Aunty ET for the lovely rompers and dresses! 

my personal favourite is the I LOVE MOMMY!

WHY?

cos for baby R, aunt o only could fine I AM DADDY"S ANGEL and 

other romper baby R had were also daddy 

no mommy! 

my sil got these esp fr HK H&M for her newborn niece! 

got 2 goody bags given by the hospital and i was shock to see avent giving a cup for storing milk!

there were 2 hamper from gx collegues - clothings, mittens, hats, booties that i had opened up earlier to get them washed cos those were tiny which baby A can use immediately and i had forgotten to take pics of them! anyway baby A would wear and i prob would take some pics of her in them! What mummy got over the whole week was a new pretzel product to try... they arent fantastic.. and i told off ... in a strict tone, i was told to check whats in the content cos i am pumping milk for my baby and i should eat things without checking what on the label... 

i know thats a very good advise... but i hate the way i was "advised" i felt i was told off ... i have been doubt about the volume... the quality of my b-milk... i already felt so stressed... jus being told off i felt really depressed... i kept myself bust thru the morning with the gifts, with the parcel to try to think baby A will be fine... i missed her so much... but at the same time i was glad we had some time with baby R... it was not an easy day... got to see my baby in the afternoon as i purposely book my gynae appt today... to remove the stitch... it was hard to hand the nurse my baby after i saw her but i tried to keep it calm heading home... already i feel so stress but i still have to be doubted and asked not to send my milk in today cos i had a medicated soup ... so my expressed milk all went to baby R... i dun want to give up BF but i can't help but suspect these questions are heading to get me to use formulae... lets see where this heads to... but i can't help but cry as i type... i know i should be in bed, rest while baby A isnt around but i can't help but cry and get upset and can't think positive... jus hope that baby A can be home tomolo. 

melting

The heat is melting me! Thou i am observing the no shower rule, i am allowed to do a hot water-towel clean down and i need it but after the short moment of comfort, after a hot bowl of soup and a hot horlick to replenish and encourage better milk flow, i am all hot and perspiring! 

Also the meals i have been eating is filled with ginger lots of the good heat to chase away the wind in the body! all the good brews of soup mum makes for quantity milk flow, to purify my blood, dishes to warm my stomach and body, warms me up and make me feel good, even thou i feel like i am melting away with the heat ....

But last nite, sleeping was a big problem again... baby A slept and baby R kept getting off the bed to want to see her sister but she was making so much noise, baby A cries... so daddy and i took turns to be in the room but somehow jus as when baby R is near to dozing off, one of us sure to open the door and she bounces up from her pillow immediately... and she smiles at us when the lights are switched on... WHY? cos baby A had poopoo and needed to be cleaned up immediately... when gx tot baby A finally is settled... he left her in the cot and i was with baby R... the only thing he never expected was to hear me shout. i was frustrated the moment gx left the room, baby R sat up, got up as quick as lightning... got over me and made noises to wake her little sis up... and sure baby A woke up crying so loud! I shouted at baby R and ask her to make meimei stop crying herself... i asked to see meimei's face... asking baby R if she liked meimei crying so hard! 

baby R felt guilty and gx came in to take Baby A out of the room and i continued to tell baby R off in my prob loudest frustrated tone! Got her in bed and i kept biting on the issue she is having, not sleeping when told to do so and disturbing meimei, making meimei cry ... baby r rolled over to hug me and kiss me and i was still at the melted point where i didnt let the issue pass and i told her off for her terrible behaviour.... till gx had to come into the room to stop me... telling me the whole house can hear my voice... thats the indication someone's prob pissed with me... 

baby R and i were left in the room and i calmed down, talked to her and told her i tried to talk to her in the nice tone, so listen and do as i told her and things won't end up that i needed to shout at her to make her understand that mummy's tired and in pain, daddy's not well and meimei need rest and so does herself... i told her mummy tried to massage her to spend time on the bed with her but getting up and rolling all over and accidentally hurting my wound makes me very mad... and in the end everyone's not happy... i held and massage baby R's hand to sleep....

Told Gx i had to give baby R one time the Hard way of lecture so that we can handle better nites ahead without her having to challenge us cos next week, he will be back to work and having so many days off, i am  pretty sure he will be tight down with work up to his neck to come home early... and to face this situation day after day... what had to be stop had to be done... i am also not sure when my inlaws will be back to work cos they are playing an important role to support me by helping to take over baby R's routine.... thou it  isnt the way i do it and we end up having in bed at almost 11pm and usual baby R's sleeping rule is she take an hour to get to lala land.... but we have not much choice cos of baby A's unexpected poos and cries... hope things will turn better... 

Fil came into the room to tell me not to shout at the gal last nite... this morning, mil tell me how baby R misses us when we were away... 

this morning, my gal woke up next to me, smiling. as usual jus like any other weeks, any other days before baby A came along, i told baby R : I love your smiles in the morning... Last nite after baby R slept, i used the Shicida method, talked to my gal apologising to her that i had to resort to shouting at her but i needed her to understand and help me thru... and i told her How much i love her and that she will always have a special place in my heart and that will always be hers and baby A will dig her own hole in my heart and fill it up... We had a good conversation and we laughed, kissed and hugged. Daddy joined in and we had a great start to our morning. 

After baby R slept, we slept till baby A woke up for a feed and i tried to latched her on again and it worked!  i managed to get her fed and while burping her, i spoke to baby A too... telling her how much daddy and mummy loved her and we know she wants us to know her needs and she wants us to get things done for her but i said to her she need to stop crying so hard cos we feel the pain to see her turn so red and it slows us down when we try to be fast...cos we get so worried... Today, she still cried but it wasnt like constant like before... she did managed to stop and we got to work as fast as could to make her comfortable... of cos there are still moments that she cry thru but i was glad at least she cried lesser today! 

today is suppose to be the day i give birth ... its sure a hot day but my body had a weird reaction when the wind blew at me... i felt cold thru my body and aches... the cold send chills thru my body! so i did lie down to rest, hiding under the blanket and melting under the heat but i felt cold... and hot... now its raining heavily... sure hope the aches in my body dun get worse... esp the shoulders cos i get very tired after pumping or latching my baby ... cried thru this post esp the part where i typed about baby R... sure hope some decisions can be left to me ... not gx... cos somehow i hate it he consults his mum before me at times and this makes things so difficult when his mum thinks his idea is workable... thats another melt down i have today... hope we can solve it... 

100th

Just updated all the blogs on baby A with pictures... didnt have the time to put all the photos taken since Saturday 1st October on all the blog entries... i had to select some images with one hand on the mouse and one hand on the milk pump! This time round, we actually didnt take alot of photos compared to the 1st time. We took more rest than the 1st time cos we knew what was upcoming when we leave the hospital! 

So far so good, house is in a greater mess cos we have gifts baskets to clear, more bottles to wash and more clothings to fold... but so far, i am in a happy mood thou body aching, mind pretty blank, movement seems slow and heavy... 

When baby A cries, i joked with GX our gal is practising her singing and what powerful lungs she has! Poor daddy is down with a headache and thou i should be in bed... i jus want so much to record the things thats is happening around me... i feel the love... i feel lucky... i feel so blessed... i hope to continue to feel positive even thou there are of cos moments in the day that is dull, draggy, worrying and exhausting... i feel happy seeing the pics and reading some of the entries... some of my worries are washed away... some of my frustrations floated away... my baby R brought me so much joy with her words and her hugs and kisses blew me away! Seeing my baby A little cinnamon donut face makes me smile and melts my heart... haven got to see her both eyes wide open and she smiles when i ask her to open her eyes... will wait for the moment to come... 

buybuybuybuybuy

Since the start of September, i started buying dresses, tops for baby R and fewer pieces for baby #2... I was happy to find matching pieces that the 2 gals can be in... When i say matching its not totally SAME! Matching for me is in terms of colour or pattern. I have their CNY clothings kind of settled and my kind frens all excitedly told me they have bought baby #2 gifts and some told me they bot a few pieces of clothings! how lucky my new born is! Lucky for me too... i am blessed to have very nice people around me. Its not only the gifts i am refering to but they had kind tots and showered me with love and concern!

Since last week, my buy switched to books and this week i continued to find good books online! Gx was asking what should baby R give baby #2... i had already got a bunny rabbit ready for her to give to her little baby sister... and Gx asked what should baby #2 give jiejie... I told him no toys cos baby R has many soft toys and we might still receive more hand downs or new toys at the end of the year/xmas. I prefer to get her books and i got some titles that will surely excite her! think i have enough books to give her each week when she is a good jiejie till xmas! 

Xmas shopping is due for me in Nov! i had ordered my stuff months ago and i am pretty excited to pick the stuff up, it will be my 1st shopping after confinement... Soon it will be Dec, Cousin K is getting married and we have to attend Gx's fren wedding, then comes Xmas! We have 2 new members for xmas this year my little nephew and my own little baby gal! 

The thought of my own little family has grown from 3 to 4 sounds very warm... but the truth is i have many fears  within me right now... i am so afraid to face any obstructions... i want to do things my way... i am worried about baby #2 cos i ate less healthy stuff than my 1st pregnancy... will baby #2 be fine? Yesterday i jus told Gx incase anything happens to me thru the pregnancy, he must look after the 2 gals well and bring them to see my mum every weekend... i can't help it cos i am the worried sort and after all i am gog thru an op and anything can  happen... i rather have the chance to make things clear... i have even started buying socks for baby R to go to school... preparing a box for her school bags! i even listed what can she bring to school for her 15mins snacktime! 

I spotted a dress i like and sure hope when i can get it, it will still be there for me... plan to wear for my sil's wedding which is next year Dec! haha... i really like that dress and i would rather get it then i can't find anything for her wedding next year! What i really want to buy isnt an iphone or ipad... but i decided i needed a better lappy cos the quality of the burner i am using now sucks! but with the birth of a new life = $. We now have extra diapers to get, milk powder to supplement but sure hope i can fully breastfeed but i am not banking on it cos i know i can't get full support... pretty sure cos my mil will sure stand in... the older generation doesnt understand... my mum stood by my sis cos mum had once clashed with me over milk issue... thru the 1st time, mil wasnt very supportive and always questioning me if baby is full. I dun want to feel pessimistic but i can't help it and seriously i am not looking forward to address all these issues... 

Will i get blues? Haha... i want to stay strong for my gals... but my mood kinda dipped way down these days... troubled by the flu bug, my tired body so want to give in and really i wish i can have proper rest... before the big day comes so i can be in the best to receive my gal and not feel so troubled... 

the only thing that can get me all excited now is buybuybuybuybuy and waiting for the parcel to come!

thankful to have help

thanks to mil's thoughtfulness, she packed these shuijiao the nite before and it sure came in handy cos i am finding it so difficult to move about on my own that these solve my hungry pangs yesterday!

thanks to my dearest nice neighbour who allowed us to use her dryer 

to get all these clothings ready for baby #2!

while i was folding and packing the tiny clothings, my dear baby R looked thru her library books!

baby R pretty much left me to do what i needed to but when she needed attention,

i was of cos dragged away and left these till she napped to complete the task... 

appreciate and appreciated!

Today i received a chat from a friend who kindly asked if she could use my idea. i really appreciate her thoughtfulness! First she is polite enough to give me credit cos she really liked the idea and wanted to use it for her gal's party! I said go ahead and shared with her the details of how i set up the party... i sure hope she dun mind me typing this out cos i really am happy and thrilled someone loved the idea and is kind enough to inform me! Thanks! thats when i gladly share my projects with others...

Me and my dear fren "I" always chat about how much effort we put into projects we start..."I" puts super lots of time reading and planning each of her trips! She sets her trip the way she likes and covers everything that interest her hubby and herself. Alot of effort cos she reads, calls to book and gets her stuff ready way in months before she sets off! She gets rather pissed when she is jus asked to pass her whole package details she did when friends jus stretches out their hands... instead of appreciating her efforts by asking her how she did it, where she finds info and how much time put in!

For me, she sure knows i spend lots of time sketching, brainstorming, browsing internet for ideas for each of my party... i do not have the dough for huge parties but i sure want to set up something decent and pretty for my gals! At this point, i have already planned my little dessert table for my full month party for baby #2! more or less the things i need for the party is bought and jus playing the waiting game for the little one to arrive! yes i started planning way long before prob when baby is only 3months old in my belly! its not something major i am gog to create for my gal's full mth party but its something i like to do in my FreeTime, when baby R is napping and when i lying down on the sofa to rest... i brainstorm and jus want something special beside jus having a buffet table for the event. Please dun expect too much cos dough is limited but i put my heart into doing it even if its something simple.

So thank you for liking my creation which meant alot to me and i sure hope what i shared with you can help you create your own little garden party for your gal! i look forward to see your pics and of cos the happy face of your little gal! 

10, 9 then 8 more days to go...

26th Sept11, Monday. 10 ore days to go. Down with flu. Slept thru after lunch till evening! I completely left baby R to the grandparents. I had a tough Sunday nite cos i was awaken up by a bad dream... then i couldnt sleep and was easily disturb thru the wee hours with gx's turning, my tired gal's rumble and cries and my baby in my belly moving... The nap did me good but i was still not well. My gal didnt nap at all and by 7+pm, when she was on her new hand-down rocking chair from L yiyi... with sil's bf helping to make the chair rock with a consistent speed... baby R actually fell asleep... then i stayed home with her while the rest took the chance to have a peaceful dinner with her and me. Told Gx in another weeks time, everyone will prob eat in on Mondays to stay in with me and the new baby... so better go out for dinner!

27th Sept11, Tuesday. 9 more days to go... i had so much trouble loading pics on blog and FB and with Irene's suggestion, i switched and after loading google chrome, everything went smoothly... dazed from my snuffy nose, low on energy, i jus spent my day sitting infront of my lappy to rush out all my posts... i want to keep up to the weekend and then hopefully a least be able to post the good news on time on my blog from the hospital! almost did but baby R woke up and i had to bring my wet baby #2's laundry to my neighbour's house to spin dry in her dryer... i am so lucky to have the nicest neighbour on earth! she offered me months ago to help us dry our clothings if ever we need her dryer esp thru the rainy season! chatted with her and head home to prep baby R, fed her dinner but she threw up right into her bowl of porridge! so no choice, she ate dinner with mum, me and gx at Soup restaurant. Mum was in TPY to take her passport  for her elderly concession card... my mum has really aged. We first met up with mum at popular bookstore cos she was there to buy vouchers for the twins' bdae gift. Mum took baby R to pick a book and in the end i picked up a great nursery rhythm activity book which cost only $4.50! Dinner was ok cos maybe i am sick i can't taste much in what i eat but i was glad to be able to have dinner one time on our own before i go give birth next week! 

28th Sept11, Wednesday. 8 more days to go! Almost jus left a week to go! i didnt count Oct 6th in cos thats the final day and my op is in the morning! We will have to leave the house really early to go TMC to check in to get our room cos its subjected to availability and i am lucky my hubby is still gog to give me a one-bedded room. What do i still have on my list of things to do... Started washing the laundry yesterday and i was folding some of the clothings we had washed, i was half-way thru sorting the tiny pairs of socks and mittens and i took a break from sitting on the floor to type this entry. Still have a bag to bleach away some of those stains that will appear on white clothings when they are kept too long before wash, have a bag to handwash cos the material is delicate, room was packed on Saturday but there are still many things to clear and made neater... maternity bag still have to be filled but most items have to wait till the nite before like cameras... still not feeling well. I have to use up the mincemeat and i really have to push myself to cook the sauce for spaggeti! somehow baby R actually told me jus now I want to eat Spagetti not porridge... not sure how but this flu bug has to leave me alone asap! i need to gain back energy to use up my next 7days fruitfully! sure hope i can start and finish a project i plan for baby R within the next 2 days... kinda impossible but i try! 

Last day with this group

22nd Sept11, Thursday. It the last class for the term and its so sad that baby R has to end her session with this lovely group of kids and mummies! Gx and I wanted to keep her with this class to make less changes in her life coming October... cos baby #2 will arrive then and with changes at home, we wanted to keep other changes minimum but i guess we couldnt avoid... cos after baby #2 birth, Gx may have to travel overseas to work... nothing concrete but to be on the safer side jus in case he do fly and is unable to take thursday off to go with baby R... we switched her to Saturday. Which makes more sense cos its always easier to find help on weekends then on a Thursday and mil won't need to wait for me to rush home after class to look after baby #2... 

the little gal in the grey top is baby's first friend in this class! She used to sit next to us and i would use this little gal as a model for baby R to sit in her chair and do her work! cos baby R's attention span is shorter and she is more active than most kids in class! YX was also the 1st classmate name she remembered cos maybe i kept mentioning about her! Before the gal in the pink top+bottom came, baby R was the youngest of the lot . K joined only this term and her mummy is also expecting and going to give birth end of October! The only boy A in class and the gal in pokka dots, baby R hardly mingle with them cos they tend to run away from my active one. Gal in white long sleeve-top M, who sits on the left of baby R in class is baby R's favourite playmate during the songs session! they always run round and round, never seems to feel giddy!

Shicida Class January - September 2010

We were lucky to have this nice young teacher who has all the energy and love for these kids! She is our 1st  Shicida teacher and we have no other to do comparison but to me, she is so dedicated to her teaching, she not only is good with what she does, i like that she does stick to her rules and regulations with kids and helping mummies when kids run into mood swings! Esp when i was expecting, baby R was going thru her TWO YEARS OLD tantrums and prob my hormones changes affected her too... i was feeling so worked up and lost patience so quickly cos baby R was difficult to handle! Teacher Lela once told baby R she didnt behaved and told her she can't get a sticker which made baby R so upset and i was happy Teacher Lela did that to teach my gal a lesson! I liked the idea she knew i wanted to "punish" and tell baby R if she didnt behave and sit thru class, not doing her lesson won't earn her a sticker and it worked! baby R was much better behaved from then! Sure hope the new teacher we get on the weekend class will be as nice and wonderful as Teacher Lela! We sure will miss her lots but we never know who might be baby R's teacher the following year!

we gave teacher Lela a famous amous cookie with a sticker that says Thank you and Take care! I got a box of mini colour pencils wrapped up in jelly bean wrapper for the kids... Sure hope baby R can adapt to her new class well with daddy cos i would be in confinement when the new terms starts... Daddy will be attending at least the 6 lessons with baby R for the new term cos i will be in confinement and it would be a great way for the father & daughter to bond. Also it will prob give daddy more ideas of what kind of little games he can do with our gals and let him watch our little gal's progress himself!

there is always a NICE side

Everyone has moods and yes yesterday i complained but it ends there. Cos i really need an outlet to let off steam.. but if there is anyone out there who take what i write the very wrong way and prob take it was a gossip topic... its sad. Cos frens who knows me, i am quick-tempered and yes i want things done my way if not i feel upset.. i haven conquer what my mum has been drilling in me for years... " to win, is to lose" but i always remind myself that theres is always a nice side of the person who drives me up the wall...

So jus to let everyone know, i know i have a nice mil and i do appreciate her cos she does many household chores on her own without complaining... (another reason is she has her own way of doing things...so i gave up helping or call me lazy for all you want!) then she helps me to cook stock for baby R's porridge which she is nice to do the marketing, cooking and storing esp when i was pregnant with 2nd one, the first few months i can't stand cooking smell. I have to say mil do like to have control over the stock which i still make comments about how salty it taste cos i dun want the salt level too high, taxing baby R's kidneys... so here again i seem more like the one who doesnt appreciate but i do care for my gal so i have no choice but to ask mil how much salt she adds from time to time...

My mil is very nice to walk all the way to the market without complains and always without fail asking me what i would like to have for brunch to tea and she tend to buy more than she should! i get fed like i have triplets in my tummy! so i am blessed to have a mil willing to help me out!

But no choice at times when we look at things differently cos afterall we are not same beings, i am not born in her era, she doesnt understand why i do certain things... methods, thinking, info updates are all obstacles to our communication. I bet we arent the only ones in the world that has this problem. With the 2nd one on the way and the 1st turning 30mths old soon in dec.... we have a long way to see these kiddos grow up... my mil is the GIVE WAY granny while i am the STOP mummy... so we prob balance out each other in my kids life... but of cos if there are moments that my mil can dun give way, then i dun have to spend a long time correctly behaviours that arent acceptable that would be of cos be better... cos really sometimes i dun know why she allows baby R to certain things... like playing with the huge oven door... what if she does that when the oven is ON! for me certain things NO means NO! thus i hate it when i have to nag, shout and scream to get my gal to understand what she is 1st allowed to do is not acceptable, making me the monster mum... which i dun want to be... so i can't help feeling sore that i have to be the BAD GUY to my kid. If you are a kid would you prefer a loving everything softly spoken person or someone who at times dun know why scream at the top of her lungs cos she doesnt like whats done? That i seriously hope mil can work with me... NO means No... if not when she goes to school, baby R might end up in the thinking chair for rascal acts that arent acceptable...

I really hope to have mil's support and we worked together peacefully, this way we give my hubby less headache with less minor disagreements and of cos hopefully no MAJOR disagreements... i do want a happier environment too... Surely I need to and i want to go to the temple to pray for smooth delivery, healthy baby and smooth communication with family members at home... i sure hope baby #2 brings joy to everyone.

i have exactly 14 more days before i POP!

i love to hear...

This August had been quite a rush... every weekend we seemed to have activities... GX and i even had half day off from our gal to get away in a quiet museum to see Dali's artwork. Its Sept 1st and thus the countdown has seriuosly started. Op is set on the 6th October but to me the last 6 days arent counted... cos those 6days will flash in a blink and we will meet our 2nd baby! So 30 days here we go!

Today i heard baby R say Mimi bathe with me... We started this last week or 2 weeks ago when GX was super busy dealing with his work and i seriously had no time to spare and i was so warm to wait till after i shower baby R... baby R loved it and she helped me "scrub" my back, reach my toes for preggy mummy... she was a joy! Just yesterday evening, we did our 1st handwash laundry session together and i couldnt be happier to have help with the clothings!

I love to hear baby R call Daddy... whenever GX comes home, she would stick around him till he closes the door to shower, she would go check on her dearest daddy if he is done, calling out to him asking ARE YOU DONE? This little sweetheart never fails to make his daddy feel warm at home!

This month baby R's vocab has grown again exceeding the 400+ words i recorded sometime in July... It was in the Shichida survey that i was asked if she knew more than 300 words that prompted me to do a list... Baby R has become more expressive and she tries to describe things, her feeling, the taste of food and sometimes she gets it wrong but sometimes she is jus trying to be cheeky... like just now, she told me the ice-cream she is having is sour... when i told her its sweet not sour and she went on to say it spicy! When she really like something she is eating, she tells us its Ddddelicious!

Baby R sure tries her best to say things she see and she would ask Whats that? She amazed me when she could say Terracotta! When she hears loud sounds like horning, door banging, she would ask Whats that sound... and sometimes she answers her own question!

I love to hear baby R sing... she has quite a few songs in her head... from kids songs to pop songs! I loved it when she sang to Didi L in the car when he started to cry... her singing helped to calm Didi L and he did stopped crying to hear Jiejie Ningning sing!

This afternoon, baby R finished her dvd and i was waiting in the room for her to call for me... i waited and was surprise it was all quiet... then i heard her calling out... Help me on louder please!!! ??? on louder? usually she would call Mimi finished dvd! i walked out to see that on the screen it was showing another dvd! she had changed the dvd and got it to play but becos the volume of the previous dvd was super loud i had turned down the volume... but the 2nd dvd she put in has a super soft volume... she needed help to get it playing louder!

i accompained my gal this afternoon by reading to her the bag of library books i borrowed... but when i was distracted by the tv... "mimi, dun watch tv... read to me 1st!"

When we went to get dinner, i spotted a dress i wanted to get baby R... when i got her to try on to see if the size fits, baby R made the sales lady smile when she asked Where the mirror! When i couldnt decide if i wanted rice or burger... i gave baby R the decision power and she answer me... Fries mimi.

my gal sure is a dancing queen... a jumping jack.... an artist... a little cook... a singer... a babysitter... a reader... a good helper... i sure hope she is a good sister in another one months  time!

Many events coming up in September and i am so looking forward to every one of them!

baby bump #2

I had made very few records of how my preganacy this 2nd time round compared to my 1st time experiencing being pregnant. Besides having an active baby, i do many things with baby R physically, mentally, emotionally, i kind of neglect connecting with my baby in my tummy except at nite when i lie down, before i fall asleep, feeling baby #2's movement, i would try to talk to her always reminding baby #2 to be good... to really listen to daddy and mummy... Here are some of the moments with baby #2 that i recorded and the very few pics i had taken with my baby bump with new write ups.

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It was on the day that the Chinggay floats were coming into tpy that i decided to pop into the phamacy to get a test-kit. 20th February 2011, Sunday nite, i was late for almost a week and i felt that it was time to check it out. my gut feeling was proven right. I'm pregnant! gx had wanted to wait for another few more days cos everytime we tot we hit jackpot, the next day it will come... my breast felt so swollen till i jus had to get it out of my system to know if i had a baby. I was happy and i showed gx. He was happy but jus like me, we both werent as excited as before like when we knew we had our 1st baby! weird was the feeling that came along with the happiness.

Gx said that we were looking forward for the good news but prob knows better what we need to expect in the coming 9mths after and thus maybe we are feeling scared at the same time not forgetting we have an older one to deal with at the same time! So i am pregnant and people who knows about our good news are Our families, my relatives and some friends. Cos it is still not 3 months yet but this time i want to keep a better record that goes along with my pregnancy. I am still late in catching up but i am trying to be as on time as possible. haven been in the best mood cos of the on-going battle with gx's lousy mood. i have to survive and be as happy as possible for my 2nd baby!

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21st Feb11, Monday. I couldnt really sleep cos i was excited and worried about the pregnancy. my mind wot rest till i see the gynae to confirm my pregnancy! called in and my appointment was at 6pm. gx made it in time and he got me soyabean from tmc... at tmc theres nothing else except Jollybean and delifrance! i knew i needed to drink lots of water which is never my favourite beverage to be able to be scanned! when doc confirmed its there, i  felt relieved! so my journey with my 2nd baby begins! baby is about 6 weeks old... countdown to 9 months has started!

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12th April11, Tuesday. Gx took off cos we were off to TMC early in the morning to do the Oscars Test for baby #2... to check that everything is normal and that baby is developing normally... the clinic nurse managed to secure the 1st spot for us... Gx was the one who saw most of the scan as the monitor was not facing me and the doc was busy pressing so hard on my tummy with the scanner and asking me to lie lower, higher then turning to my side to get a better view of the baby...

Gx gestured to me that the baby had both arms up and the legs were stretching too! the doc tried to make the baby move above some "line" that she jiggled the scanner on my tummy so hard and make me turn left and right a few times. Gx saw the baby bounced! then came the moment where the doc had to check the baby's heartbeat... she on it pretty loud and we could hear very clearly our baby's heartbeat with swish swash sounds! the doc did turn the screen to let me view a few moments of the baby and that was it... too short i would say... Gx did tried to ask the doc if everything was good... she replied that we needed to wait for the blood test results and it will be sent to our gynae with a report. Saw our gynae in the nite and he told us that the baby is very normal and very good. thats the relief news we needed to hear... i have officially past my 1st trimester and baby is now into 13th week!

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baby R meets baby #2

12th April11, Tuesday nite... thou we did quite abit after the morning scan i would love to blog on the meetup of my 2 babies... cos it was fantastic, a sweet encounter and a beautiful moment... Gx and I prep baby R about the meetup she was going have with baby #2... we didnt want her to freak out knowing she was visiting the doctor... then we told her she was going to see baby who she calls baobao on a screen when the doctor puts a scanner on mummy's tummy. We told her she should tell baobao she is around by telling baby #2 thats she's NingNing Jiejie, a name she wants baby #2 to address her!

the moment we walked into the clinic, she freaked and cried... i repeatedly told her its mummy who needs to see doc. well i did frighten her when we were waiting for our turn cos she wanted to go all over the place and out of the clinic so i told her to sit if not the nurse will give her Kuaikuai zhen (obedient jab!) she sure sat better... in the room, baby R only stopped crying when the doc told her he was giving her sweet! She stopped to see where the doc got his sweet and when she got it, she tried to cry again! my gynae say she sure is a very smart gal! Stop crying to take sweet first then continue to cry... Somehow she did stop and she freaked out when we entered the smaller room to do the scan.

told her to stop crying and making so much noise so she can see baobao... she held back while struggling alittle with GX who was carrying her... when the image came on, baby #2 was in tummy position, face down and we tried to tell baby R thats baobao... then we heard baby R loudly saying 'Ning Ning Jiejie!'

I saw on the screen baby #2 FLIPPED!

then i saw baobao's hand waved!

i excitedly asked if they all saw baby flipped over and waved! baby R then pointed to the screen and said - Baobao is there! she repeated a few times and my heart was melting... its the best scan so far that i had with baby #2! baby #2 responded to her jiejie! the best scan we had with baby R was the one she faced the scanner and her hands were up waving too!

gynae and nurse couldnt help smiling thru the scan and my consultation! gynae told me that the baby is doing fine. i told him that i haven been able to drink milk thou i eat cheese and drink soya milk... so i was given dha pills and i am going to start obmin that is a multi-vit pill i took for baby R too. passed my 1st trimester and i can't wait for 20weeks Oscar test to make sure baby is doing fine and of cos the gender so i can start planning the full-month party and to get the clothes ready for baby #2's arrival!

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Pics taken by Gx of my baby bump on 24th April 2011, my 34th birthday
these were the best pics i have taken with baby bump #2!

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Weird Encounter

Writtten on 18th May, Gx started his reservist last week and weird thing was he comes home complaining having headaches in the late afternoons.... my headaches had stopped 3 days before he went back to camp... till today, he still isnt feeling very well... Worse... he threw up today! Coincidently, i threw up this morning too!

Called him at 1pm to see how was his day... he told me he started alright but before noon strike, he felt giddy and threw up terribly, his breakfast all out! i ate fish soup this morning and when i was done, bringing my utensils to the sink, i coughed like mad and threw up everything that i had eaten... coughing terribly and i couldnt hold back at all and sometimes i feel like i was choking badly!

i have heard before from my maid long ago that sometimes, hubby, good friends, family members who are close to pregnant woman, might suffer with the preggy or suffer for the preggy... during my 1st pregnancy gx was fine... but this time round, he fell sick quite often and now for no reason, he's having giddy spell and throwing up today sounds so weird!

But again he may not be suffering for me... i just hope that he will feel better... maybe its the camp environment... i jus hope its not his health...recently, i am happier with Gx... he's been doing more at home with baby R, bathing her, feeding her, doing nite potty sessions with baby R.. when we are outside, he takes charge of sitting next to her, feeding her while i eat 1st... i told him i really appreciate his recent changes... it helps to make me feel better, relieved that i have help and not making me feel helpless with my active child...

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taken in May 2011 before my sis gave birth to lit boy

who could be happier than my mum!

my mum has always been the only RABBIT in the family, every CNY when we do take group horoscope pics... my dearest mum would the only one who is alone... the only rabbit till this year just before she turns 60 in another 1week+, she is a proud grandmother of a bunny boy and after her big 60, in a couple of weeks time, she is a proud granny of another bunny gal! She is prob the most luckiest in the family to have her very own grandchild sharing the same horoscope as her. (another lady would be my Aunt M cos she has a pair of twins sharing same chinese horoscope)

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6th June11, Monday. after shopping for baby L's full month gift which sis and i decided to build a mini library, we didnt have much time left to shop cos i spent a long time choosing books! we sent baby R home, rest for awhile and we were off again to TMC and it was a wise choice not to drive cos we were there for a couple of hours! while waiting for our turn at the scanning level at TMC, gx caught on with his nap while i was snacking while waiting... it was a horrible long wait!

in the end we had time to go down to the only cafe delifrance to sip a hot cuppa coffee and hot choc... when we returned, we still had to wait... i was the last to go in for our scan... then it was already 6+pm! we were there before 3+pm! being the last is terrible cos the nurse or doctor, seem to do it in a rush... it wasnt as professionally done if i compared to my 1st time! she didnt really show us the parts like the experience we had with baby R! i could see baby r's fingers on the screen very clearly... then worse of all, she jus declared Oh see 3 lines is a girl? HUH was written on Gx face when he looked at the screen cos he didnt see what the doc was refering to! anyway, we trust that the report is right and we had to wait at the gynae clinic for our report briefing.... baby #2 is doing well. when we were home, told the family the news and i can't help feeling that everyone did wish it was a boy or thought it was a boy...

Had a talk with gx when the sex of our 2nd baby was revealed... he was fine that we have a gal. he said see how baby R is so sweet, a daddy's gal, making him so happy... so he really didnt mind if 2nd one was a girl! then he joked with me that gives us a chance to have a boy next and we could name him Leslie!

Our 2nd baby's name is going to start with A... Rachel was a favourite name of ours... we had that in mind long time ago and we never had any disagreement with it. so when we found out our 1st baby was a girl it was simple - we sure had the name and no changes made! then i told gx that if we put our 1st letters of our name together, it forms G-E-R... and we ever "planned" to have 4 kids! So the other 3 kids would form

G-E-R-A-L-D

when i conceived our 2nd baby, we cracked out head with names starting with A... it was tough as 2 of us couldnt agree with either girls or boys name with A! we do have one in mind that we kind of agree on... but we need to wait till 4th July's gynae checkup to be sure our baby is a girl... cos baby R still tells us its Didi!

not sure if she is influenced by my neighbour kids that the 2nd younger one must be a didi and also my sis' baby boy birth might have caused her to keep telling us its a didi! anyway i really want to be sure before grabbing the bags in the storeroom out to start sorting and preparing the wardrobe for baby #2!

for me, i did wish it was a boy... i am still kind of traditional in a way... also it would be nice to have one gal and one boy... but of cos if its a gal, i would still love my baby #2! Mum joked with me say i can follow her foot steps to have 3 children and went on to tell me if i have a pair of twin boys then it would be perfect! GOSH! but then really we will have our L & D if i ever have a pair of twins... i didnt want to go into late labour... cos i know alot of injections and checkups are needed... but if i really hope for a boy... think i will past the 35 mark! lets see how i survive with 2 kids 1st!

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4th July resting my tired feet while daddy babysit baby R in the Art Museum

one of the very few pics of myself and baby bump#2...

next year i look forward bringing both my gals to our annual art museum family trip!

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25th July, it was this day that we DOUBLE-CONFIRMED with our gynae! He had asked us to book an appointment earlier so that he can try to see if baby #2 was in a different position so he can help us scan to make sure we know the sex of the baby cos i told gynae i need to wash baby's clothes if its a gal and source for clothes if its a boy! Also with the sex confirmed, our gynae has proposed to us to choose a date for the caserean... he say to avoid complication, its better to choose a date bewteen 6-8 Oct, about 2 weeks before my etd which is 20th October.

Gx on the spot say 6th seems a good day... WHY? cos he say its easy to remember... cos baby R was born 10/6 and baby #2 can be 6/10! when i casually ask if the date could stretch to the 10th cos 10/10 gynae say possible but not any nearer to etd... GX tot it would cool to give birth on 9/10/11 and when i posted on FB, some frens too suggested its a cool date! We went home to announce we need a date and  mil was kind to help us check the calendar to suggest some dates that seems better... but the next morning, mil and i decided to just make a call to gx's granny fren to ask what kind of timing is best to give birth and the old lady was kind enough to go thru the chinese calendar to advise us the best dates for the baby and for me and gx to have our 2nd one. The dates mil saw generally was good but in terms for specific events like birth it turned out that it was actually a "xiong ri' bad day! so we were lucky we decided to call for expert advice! the date is set 6th October in the morning... but i am ready that baby might choose her own date cos with my aunt O's experience, twice she chose the dates, my cousins decided otherwise and came out so much earlier...

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8th August, jus baby #2 with daddy and mummy at Dali's exhibition

daddy was nice to ask me out, a trip out on our own without baby R.

i cracked my brains where to go!

 we brought jus baby #2 in my belly to a very quiet museum!

before i gave birth to baby R, we went for Da Vinci exhibition!

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15th August, its actually the 1st time i went to gynae for checkup alone... GX had alot on hand to settle and it was raining, he was very worried about me, texting me and calling me to see how i was doing. I was touched. For baby R, i usually turned up at the gynae on my own after work and he was hardly with me, only when i needed to do important scans and tests back then, gx would then take leave to accompany me. One reason why thru this 2nd pregnancy he could come with me so often was my appointment usually ends up after 6pm and by the time its my turn its about almost 7+pm! Also with the confusion created by baby R regarding the sex of our baby #2, i was glad GX was with me all the time, supporting me, telling me its fine to have another gal.

good news from this session was that our little one has turned! i could tell cos i felt so much pain at the lower belly and sometimes so pain that i needed to lie down.... somehow i have this feeling baby #2 would come sooner that expected... experiencing more pain than my 1st time. Reason could be i rest less than before... i have so much to do, so many projects i have on hand, an active one and i really am chasing time to do as much as i can, as i want before baby #2 pops out... the other reason could be i am expanding more than my 1st pregnancy! cos baby R didnt managed to engage herself then... maybe now i am expanding more to accomodate baby #2.

Gx was very sweet cos he didnt want me to take public transport home after the checkup, he offered to come pick me up but he ended leaving the office so late that i waited very long for him almost 1hour+ wait but i used the time to start wrapping up my plans for my 2nd baby's full month party!

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20th August, i was so tired from standing and walking in Massimo Dutti's kids launch

baby #2 was prob frustrated with mummy for standing too long cos when i sat thru the car ride i could feel baby #2 stretching non-stop! i decided to take a pic of my tummy with the cute octupus balloon cos my top looked so much like under the sea and i wanted a pic of my huge belly! 20th August to 20th October is exactly 2 months away to my etd... with 6th Oct op date, it would mean i have less than 6 weeks more! Excited, panicking cos i still have so much to do before THE DAY!

Twenty Four

A day has 24hours

i was born on the 24th of April

today is 24th August 2011, Wednesday

and i started a new blog

Alot of thoughts went thru my head last nite and one thing in my brain led to another and i had new plans and new joys to look forward to, new changes which is scary yet i am excited and my brains were cracked till 2am+ before i could shut my eyes to rest my 8th month pregnancy body.

Many reasons to start an open blog again. I had 2 open blogs and i closed my 3rd. Many unhappiness in me over the end of last year till early this year before I had conceived again. Sadly thru this pregnancy I still had to deal with things that ticks me off my feet, with a very active baby R and a huge tummy, it wasnt as smooth as my 1st pregnancy... where there werent issues with children handling, all i had to do was to take care of myself, make myself happy... i didnt record as much my progress with my baby #2... which yesterday i felt really sad that i failed to... so i wanted to do my last few weeks before i pop. Also everyday when my gal do things that warm my heart, i fail to make a record of how happy she made me on time... somehow i still feel FB can't keep all my memories like my personal blog.

There are also other reasons that pushed me to open up my blog again. One reason is that I want to connect with people again. But i sure hope esp friends who reads my blog to speak to me and not jus read and go... its kind of sad when people wants to know yet doesnt let me know they were around.

24th August 2011 to me was a good date to start my 4th blog. Why? i love the number 24 cos its my birth date. also i have something i consider a great plan for my 35th birthday next year and its exactly 8 months away. I would be a mum of 2 soon in another couple of weeks and thou i have tons to do, tons to pack, tons to plan, tons to celebrate, i do want some time planned for myself doing something i like and i am super looking forward to the 24th of April next year!

with this i have to stop and i hope after my little outing with my gal, she comes home tired and napping so i can do my little story on my little 2nd girl. Also i want to update the sweetness and achievement of my baby R. My story as a SAHM to 2 gals and a dear hubby, our little family keepsake.