today is the 1st day i put Kou Yok on my shoulders since given birth... but definitely it isnt the 1st time my shoulders ached... i told myself somehow thou the packet of plaster had been sitting on the shelf for weeks... i didnt used them cos i wanted to push myself to the very last minute to give in to these medicated help.... it was silly of me but i managed to tahan pretty long before i got them slap on this early afternoon... (i did get vicks and medicated tua na oil on the achy shoulders applied by Gx on some nites cos the weather is so terrible... the rain is a killer...)
WHERE is TIME?
it wasnt where was I ... i was always around but seriously with 2 kids - a 2 year old who is had all the attention to herself... now trying to get hold of herself esp after the terrible accident she encountered weeks ago... getting herself out of trouble isnt what my TERRIBLE 2 baby R can do.... she is always testing my patience... doing the NOT To DO... everytime after i scream at her... i cry.... she is so poor thing, a very stubborn little one but with such sweetness once she realise her mistakes... we hug and cry and hold each other dearly.... i know i shouldnt but my patience seems no where to be found when i am exhausted... then the baby... baby A in another 7 more days she will be 2months old... sleepless mode is on once the clock hits MN! Schedules is like 2am milk+ nappy change - back to bed 3am... 5am milk+nappy then i can be up and walking to the living room carrying her in my arms sitting on the sofa till 7am! put her back in bed 7ish and from then till 8ish baby A would be up for milk.... and thats the time i start milk pumping (reduced to once a day...sadly), thats also the time i read FB and emails, bottle washing, prep the kids to shower, fix up bottles to last the whole afternoon, feed the kids, make them nap, and catch a wink if possible (not more than an hour...) dump laundry in, fix bottles for nite, wash bottles and both kids somehow wakes up at the same time and its time to clean baby A first, shower baby R then feed baby R dinner, wait for gx to be home to have my dinner if not i grab whatever is there, if he's home i get to wash more bottles and porridge pots and dishes... if not i would at least get the dried laundry with baby R's help, get them to bed and grab a wink before MN strikes...
i am so tired but i am staying as strong as i can for many reasons... i need to be a better mum. i need to be more independent but now i still surviving with help from mil with my laundry hanging, preping baby R's lunch and she shops for my 2 babies on diapers and milk powder and some of my stuff... i am thankful. i am basically trapped at home from mon-fri... only out to see mum on Sat and so far Sundays are spent home to clear up stuff... but i have planned shopping trips to use up the vouchers we received from Baby A's full mth party, getting the gals new stuff that they need and also shopping for gx and my clothings for CNY... i am looking for basic stuff... nothing fanciful for myself since i am home always... so looking forward to retail therapy and looking forward to xmas... feasting on turkey! also there are 2 wedding coming up and i am not sure if baby A is coming along but i sure hope to look good on these 2 occasion to break away from my daily routine... i dun mean look like super model or really dressing up fancifully... but jus to be away from my shorts and tee days.... not sure what i can fit into yet but i have planned for the gals for all the dec occasions...
i want to thank Dap and Wendy for their listening ears... appreciate the time given to me... i am thankful. Irene, i miss you very much! thou i am hardly on FB to chat thru the day with you, i am keeping up with your happy life via your blog... Shanice, i am also back to reading your blog while i pump in the morning... alot of adjustments to make, disagreements to swallow, little notes of thanks to my mum and aunts for their support thru the grey weeks i went thru... i still need my blog... i wish i can post more often but i shant be greedy...
the biggest happy event for November was held on 7th Nov... baby A's full month party which was almost canned because there was sadness over baby R's freak accident but it was decided that we held one for my side and for our friends... cos we didnt want to short change baby A... gx and i wanted to be fair to our newborn... alot of last minute touches like the stickers on the blackboard, cutting out alicia's name, that wasnt planned and i rushed out most of these details on the eve of the party... somehow before that i didnt have time to get my hands on it, no energy cos baby R's recovery was my focus... but i gave baby A's party final push adding things i didnt plan and esp on the day itself, setting up within 30mins was made possible with great help from my family members esp aunt A and nesa, things jus fall into place. at least i got to do something i like and esp for my gal's party... its nothing huge and super fantastic but it made me happy to create my own dessert table within my means...
this was the very 1st session i had with the gals on baby A's actual full month
i am getting better with my time management, anger management still need adjustment... body ache management needs a knead soon.... but this won't go away even after a session of relieve... baby R is recovering well... praying hard the lines will go away but only time can tell and its gog to take 6months to see whats the result going to be like... applying aloe vera and sunscreen religiously for her... i need to shower baby A more attention then feed her, change her nappy and put her to bed.... afraid baby R gets jealous and also its takes more time to put baby R to calm down thus i cut short my bonding time with baby A... need to work on alot of things... more changes when new year comes... baby R will be starting school... meantime, i need to breathe and get back to my routine... this has been a nice little break. hope i can post at least once a week if not at least once a month...
back to fixing bottles...
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