missing in action

gosh my last blog was done 23Feb and the entry was for 8th Jan! i have uploaded lots of pics esp covering all cny celebrations but sadly today its already March16th! everyday i do log in but sadly i never got to open any of my pages to start typing... i was kinda lazy and busy at the same time... i was again at the GIVE IT UP stage.... i dun even load my pics as religiously every week! my camera cards are FULL thus i have sit here to download them...so what kept me busy?

2 kids. but i still have some time on com but i have been thinking of ideas for my new house. my gal's birthday celebrations, finding dresses for my sil's dec wedding for my gals and me. sourcing for my gals' educational stuff, daily wear and pretty wear... 

Sha asked me to type something jus type without pics cos she wants to read... thats why i am back!

Sha you kept me going.

Sadly as i wanted this new blog to capture new chapter in my life, as a mother to 2 kids... 2 kids = more laundry = more bottles = more attention needed to spread between 2 kids... = less time for myself and i do have to crack and seriously enjoy cracking my brains to create stuff... the thing that i can do and keeps me happy... i wish i could cook and bake like Sha! but now paper and pen is my best buddy!

checking in on FB and occasional chats with my friends is luxury! my window to the world

when gx told me he's at serangoon garden 2 nites ago, out for beer and work discussion... he say he pack supper for me... i told him to go village and i want my favourite holland V pizza thats has a branch there.. he asked how come i know theres one in this new building that i have never stepped into... cos i told him my friends check-in and i also travel all over the world with friends who updates travel albums...

talking about travels... i am so blessed... we got a postcard all the way from Santaland! Irene and hubby was so sweet to send my gals a postcard during their Finland trip! me and gx chomps on vodka chocs and also we were given a valhorna choc bar that i haven open... From Japan, M&A got our gals disney minnie mouse stuff! cute bib for baby A and a little hair bow for baby R! Yet to try the orange and honeydew kitkats! thats not all.... yesterday Dap popped by to see the gals and gave them each a cute wolly knitted hat from her taiwan trip! made the 2 gals very happy! Dap got baby A a pair of very cute socks and they arent any socks! they were Peter Rabbit socks! arent my gals lucky! i am so thankful to these people who had us in mind! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 

my last travel is really donkey years ago... gx goes on working trips every year... me dun even get time off from kids... gx say my wish came true... cos now i have my truly to myself a little gal who only wants mummy and nobody nobody but ME! to irritate me further, gx sang Nobody nobody but U! 

my baby A is a sticky glue to me! when i leave the house everyday to have my precious 15mins me time but this is spent walking or rushing to take train or bus to get to pick baby R up and some bonding time with baby R alone before hitting home total time 45mins... baby A would cry till her face turn red, deafen my mil's ears before sleeping when she knows i left her... but it got better cos if timing is right, i keep her awake all the way till i leave so she naps and give mil time to do chores while i am away... but with this March 1week school hols... i wonder if she would start her screaming cries again or calmly accept that i left the house... fingers X! 

i have so much to say... so much has happened... happy sad uplifting and down moments 

baby R has grown alot and baby A is 5months and counting! 

hopefully when baby A turns 6mths old next month which is actually in another 2weeks on April 1st... hopefully i can do an entry to describe my little chilli padi, my maltose, my little chubby chubby crybaby which i nickname Hum Baobao! Cantonese for CRY BABY but sounds like hamburger.

So i have a PiDan and a Hum Baobao! 

Gx clashes with Baby A cos she cried crazily in his arms and he raised his voice at her and that got baby A crying even louder and gx gave up being with baby A... they are still working out cos gx hates that she is so untouchable! on weekends... she clings on me and doesnt allow my mum to carry either! she is very different from baby R! baby R at least i have some rest for my shoulders now i have to rush thru dinners!  can't take my time cos when she cries... the moment i take over... then she stops if not its deafening! my mum say her lungs are so powerful! imagine!

i have not yet compile baby A's photos into montages and she has no videos at all! baby R's 2nd year i started but i have not opened it up to add on photos... time and hands .... no time no hands to do it! 

R is still maximising her Terrible 2... jus this week... gross but she has done terrible poopoo stuff in the toilet when i left her there alone to either handle baby A or occupied for jus that couple of minutes doing something while she should be sitted on the potty... thats how bad and i have started using free balloon sticks as cane... sadly no choice but to use that to control her behaviour cos she is so stubborn and PI!!!! told Dap i'm like stephen chow's kung fu movie Bao Zhu Po! sometimes she boils my blood till i shout at her - think my neighbours up and down a couple levels all know her name! Patience yes... i should be but try and be in my shoes and tell me if its possible! haiz... i want to be a nice mum but my gal knows how to push me to the edge! 

she is not all horrible... this gal is still a sweetheart... she is. we always make up by nites and there would be lots of hugs from her... nice words from this little one - prob 80% she means it, 10% is sometimes used to soften me so she dun get scolded cos sometimes when she chooses to tell me nice stuff its when she has done something wrong and 10% she is in a super good mood. so 100% she is clever!

in school she is doing well. according to the teacher, she catches on songs fast and teacher asked if i taught her all the songs she is taught in class and i said not all and that impressed both her english and chinese teacher! She also participates actively when teacher asked the class questions and i was told she is way too fast in answering every question that the teachers sometimes has to stop my gal and ask her to hold her answer first so that other kids can have a chance to think... gx is super happy to know baby R is doing well but i am pretty worried... i am not a KS mum who force my kiddo to absorb knowledge but my gal from young loves learning which is good but i wonder if i can keep up with her and wonder if her little friends will outcast her! kids nowadays are so smart unlike my days ... she is so friendly that other kids is afraid of her... 

so much to say... BUT

i need to end

need time to grab a peaceful bite while they are still sleeping... throw in their clothings for wash and hopefully able to load the pics and create space in camera and hp before the weekend... 

best thing baby R said to me one late afternoon when she woke up from her nap

Mum, i will take care of you and also take care of baobao... 

worse thing that happen so far for 2012.... bad news for my mum eyes... deteriorate with age and she now has to get use to having a dot in her vision... no laser or ops can help... the only thing i could do was to introduced bilberry juice to mum (ex-SAS col got some bad eye prob and told me before this helps...). Sure hope this helps... another sad news is my aunt is down with 2nd stage cancer... praying hard for her to recover and hope cancer stays far away from her.... haven heard exactly whats going to happen... gog to get baby R to give her prob a stalk of flower tomolo when we visit to cheer her on... 

Good things to look forward to : May we are suppose to get our KEYS to our very own house!

Gx and i had a talk one nite from 12mn to 3am on how we want our little 3rm house to be... its going to be simple and we arent hacking anything or spending $ on ID but we do have ideas on how we want the house to be! am pretty excited! clue : our kids will be happy! we are creating space for them! 

events in upcoming months

29th March marks 13years with GX.... he say that dun count liao lah = dun celebrate cos no $!

if i live to 70... i am half way there next month! 

in May baby R is going to celebrate her bdae a few days before school closes for June hols! she is very excited and i have lots to prep for it = thats what i have been busy planning but i will b busy preparing soon! 

then hopefully we can get our house ready by her 3rd bdae that happens to fall on Sunday to have relatives and some friends over to cheer for her and sure hope she drops the Terrible 2 trying stage and move on to be Terrific 3!

now i can just hope they nap on while i get things done and have a great weekend before baby R returns to school on Monday!

my pretty xmas gift!

22nd Dec11, Thursday.

i am so blessed!

Dap came by to visit me and she brought me a little surprise and i love the xmas gift she had gotten me!

just looking at the cupcake cases makes my heart flutter and in the box comprise of piping bag and tips and most of all, a little recipe book! I am thankful for a dear friend who got me such a beautiful present!

feeding 2 kids!

8th Dec11, Thursday

Reality -  2 kids hungry at the same time = mum with 2 hands uses both hands to feed!

baby r was playing with my camera and i told her why not take a pic of mummy who is feeding both kids and she did capture the Mon-Fri alone at home mummy feeding both my girls! i had to twist my hand to hold the bottle for baby A who sits and is supported with the same hand that is holding the bottle. The hand scoops porridge with 2 spoons - one spoon goes into the mouth while the other spoon is cooled... this is how i handle the kids in the evening when i am alone!

where's time gone?

today is the 1st day i put Kou Yok on my shoulders since given birth... but definitely it isnt the 1st time my shoulders ached... i told myself somehow thou the packet of plaster had been sitting on the shelf for weeks... i didnt used them cos i wanted to push myself to the very last minute to give in to these medicated help.... it was silly of me but i managed to tahan pretty long before i got them slap on this early afternoon... (i did get vicks and medicated tua na oil on the achy shoulders applied by Gx on some nites cos the weather is so terrible... the rain is a killer...)

WHERE is TIME?

it wasnt where was I ... i was always around but seriously with 2 kids - a 2 year old who is had all the attention to herself... now trying to get hold of herself esp after the terrible accident she encountered weeks ago... getting herself out of trouble isnt what my TERRIBLE 2 baby R can do.... she is always testing my patience... doing the NOT To DO... everytime after i scream at her... i cry.... she is so poor thing, a very stubborn little one but with such sweetness once she realise her mistakes... we hug and cry and hold each other dearly.... i know i shouldnt but my patience seems no where to be found when i am exhausted... then the baby... baby A in another 7 more days she will be 2months old... sleepless mode is on once the clock hits MN! Schedules is like 2am milk+ nappy change - back to bed 3am... 5am milk+nappy then i can be up and walking to the living room carrying her in my arms sitting on the sofa till 7am! put her back in bed 7ish and from then till 8ish baby A would be up for milk.... and thats the time i start milk pumping (reduced to once a day...sadly), thats also the time i read FB and emails, bottle washing, prep the kids to shower, fix up bottles to last the whole afternoon, feed the kids, make them nap, and catch a wink if possible (not more than an hour...) dump laundry in, fix bottles for nite, wash bottles and both kids somehow wakes up at the same time and its time to clean baby A first, shower baby R then feed baby R dinner, wait for gx to be home to have my dinner if not i grab whatever is there, if he's home i get to wash more bottles and porridge pots and dishes... if not i would at least get the dried laundry with baby R's help, get them to bed and grab a wink before MN strikes... 

i am so tired but i am staying as strong as i can for many reasons... i need to be a better mum. i need to be more independent but now i still surviving with help from mil with my laundry hanging, preping baby R's lunch and she shops for my 2 babies on diapers and milk powder and some of my stuff... i am thankful. i am basically trapped at home from mon-fri... only out to see mum on Sat and so far Sundays are spent home to clear up stuff... but i have planned shopping trips to use up the vouchers we received from Baby A's full mth party, getting the gals new stuff that they need and also shopping for gx and my clothings for CNY... i am looking for basic stuff... nothing fanciful for myself since i am home always... so looking forward to retail therapy and looking forward to xmas... feasting on turkey! also there are 2 wedding coming up and i am not sure if baby A is coming along but i sure hope to look good on these 2 occasion to break away from my daily routine... i dun mean look like super model or really dressing up fancifully... but jus to be away from my  shorts and tee days.... not sure what i can fit into yet but i have planned for the gals for all the dec occasions...

i want to thank Dap and Wendy for their listening ears... appreciate the time given to me... i am thankful. Irene, i miss you very much! thou i am hardly on FB to chat thru the day with you, i am keeping up with your happy life via your blog... Shanice, i am also back to reading your blog while i pump in the morning... alot of adjustments to make, disagreements to swallow, little notes of thanks to my mum and aunts for their support thru the grey weeks i went thru... i still need my blog... i wish i can post more often but i shant be greedy...

the biggest happy event for November was held on 7th Nov... baby A's full month party which was almost canned because there was sadness over baby R's freak accident but it was decided that we held one for my side and for our friends... cos we didnt want to short change baby A... gx and i wanted to be fair to our newborn... alot of last minute touches like the stickers on the blackboard, cutting out alicia's name, that wasnt planned and i rushed out most of these details on the eve of the party... somehow before that i didnt have time to get my hands on it, no energy cos baby R's recovery was my focus... but i gave baby A's party final push adding things i didnt plan and esp on the day itself, setting up within 30mins was made possible with great help from my family members esp aunt A and nesa, things jus fall into place. at least i got to do something i like and esp for my gal's party...  its nothing huge and super fantastic but it made me happy to create my own dessert table within my means... 

sadly for our 2nd baby, i didnt take as many photos for baby A compared to when i had baby R... but i make it a point to do at least a session of photography for baby A and with her sis on popo's bed every Sat... and its been fun to get shots with my gals on the bed... i need a new external drive cos the one we have is filled and i have no time to delete whats unwanted and dangerously i have many photos unloaded yet... we were supposed to get one last Sunday but the rain spoilt our plans... i need a new lappy... more than an ipad but for our gal to keep baby R down when i have my hands busy with baby A.... seems like GX might invest in one as our little family's xmas present...

this was the very 1st session i had with the gals on baby A's actual full month

i am getting better with my time management, anger management still need adjustment... body ache management needs a knead soon.... but this won't go away even after a session of relieve... baby R is recovering well... praying hard the lines will go away but only time can tell and its gog to take 6months to see whats the result going to be like... applying aloe vera and sunscreen religiously for her... i need to shower baby A more attention then feed her, change her nappy and put her to bed.... afraid baby R gets jealous and also its takes more time to put baby R to calm down thus i cut short my bonding time with baby A... need to work on alot of things... more changes when new year comes... baby R will be starting school... meantime, i need to breathe and get back to my routine... this has been a nice little break. hope i can post at least once a week if not at least once a month... 

back to fixing bottles...

Wendy

Just saw a post on FB by my friend Wendy who is in Sydney now... She has 2 kiddos and a newborn... 3 kids and she is on her own most of the time thru the day and i will be like her handling 2 soon on my own... My dear sweet friend gave me a long distance call on the day Alicia was discharged from her hospital stay due to Jaudice... it was comforting to hear her voice and comforting me from all the way from down under! Can't wait to see her when she is back in late November! So want to give her hugs and receive hugs from her too! Thanks so much for calling... reading your post reminds me how busy you were, you took time to call me... i appreciate and lets stand strong for our kids!

face off

FB last week - This week was chaotic... baby A's KK visit that wasnt over till mn and sponging baby R till the next morning... it was sure a Black Tuesday/Wednesday! something said will never be able to erase it was hurtful and i was glad i was strong enough to pull thru... lucky me, still have support from hubby and my family. i am fine and i want to keep smiling! sure hope better things come my way soon... thankful to hear from frens too! thanks for checking how i am, me appreciate!


This week i am still in a daze... handling 2 isnt easy on my own... kinda scared when my help is going away in 2 weeks time...  in the meantime i dun rest as much as i should... and i think i need to train myself to cope with it...


I so need to be bless with better luck, endurance level... for better or worse for now till end of the year and hopefully better news to start of next year... i need to bear with it, grite on it cos i was showered with encouragement from my hubby and mum and my aunts... and my sis who esp called on me and gave me moral support... i feel listless and less energy than before and i become afraid but i need to stay the way i am to be who i am ... i need to get my energy back!

Getting better....

Haven updated since drama on Saturday nite.... Gx came home almost 2-3am... His fren is going back to work in China, thus he really need to meet up... but really mean me hopes his fren doesnt pop by too soon... haiz bad terrible me... but i am sure he lent my hubby a listening ear... anyway, Gx came home that wee morning, he took some time before he came into the room, he spoke to mil and told her i wanted to feed as much as i can breastmilk... also my mil told gx that she was jus very worried about the baby... and also she was worried i am too stressed out by the progress... i was relieved to hear that and gx helped me massage to make the engorgement go away and it helped... 

Sunday was a busy day. We received a call from the hospital that baby A was down to 5.2... she can come home! Gx and i went to get her and she opened both her eyes wide to look at us! then the little one got herself comfortable and slept in our arms thru the car ride and my shopping spree at KK. Yes, after tmc, wee head to KK. i came here mainly to shop! jus before gx came home, i called TMC 24hours hotline and the nurse advised me to put cabbage over the breast to ease the sore nipple... then apply cream which i haven gotten. TMC shops doesnt open on the Sundays, so i woke up asked on FB advise on breastfeeding and i appreciate the milkmaids that gave me precious advices and encouragements! 

From The First Few Years, i got a new brand Lansinoh cream for the sore nipple, got Nipple Nurture cleansing pads which smells so good and i feel cleaner after wipes before pumping... (till now, i haven shower for the last 11days! tomolo i will get my good cleanup finally!) Also i got another padded bra from Mothercare cos the recommended OIO, angie recommended wasnt opened... at the cashier i got baby R a gift i know that she would be very thrilled to get... got to sis' place to pick up the mattress and i was out almost for a couple of hours!

It was a relief feeling to have baby A home! Thru the afternoon, i sat up to clear all the clothings into where it goes cos i am the only one who can arrange it and we set up the bathing station with all the things needed and i love the bathing station providing us space for keeping things needed for baby's clothing and bathing changes... got all the baby cot fittings all into the cupboard... got myself organised how i wanted my breastfeeding stuff like wipes, med, disposable nursing pads, pumps... then jus in time when i was done, help arrived! 

me... hurt

how come i can have so many entries done up? baby A is in hospital. baby R didnt napped at all since morning after class, super excited with her new smurf gift, she slept really early today, dosing off by 9pm... i pumped and loaded photos and becos Gx  went out to meet his buddy, i tend to be nervous about their meetup cos they drink... and somehow this never changed since we knew each other... gx never makes it back on time when he states a time... which i hate since the day i know him... so i can't rest cos my mind can't stop worrying and i can't stop feeling upset... so i decided to do my updates to keep myself busy... i have lots of baby clothings to fold but i am in no mood to clear them right now!

My mood is so down and i can't stop crying even when i type how happy my baby R was with her surprised gifts today...i was grateful she was made so happy thru the day! Now to make things worse... my left breast hurts and i can't pump now... damn worried i tear any tissue in my breast... its really painful! i need to think positive... i need to stay positive...

Called my mum earlier to cry and i was told off and mum was upset i still can't take things easy.... i wished i didnt have to call her but i was really upset and gx wasnt gog to listen to me.... now all i want is the pain to go away.... so i can continue to pump... why must it hurt now! 

line on the line

first time when i went back to gynae after giving birth to baby R.. i went with my aunt K... Gx had to be back at work and couldnt accompany me... this time he came, after the nurse removed the bandage, i got home to help me take a pic of the line before the doctor came in... according to my gynae, its jus a line on top of my 1st cut... it sure is a line! so thin a line he had sewn my cut back! Gynae jus snipped the ends of the thread and told me he do the plastic surgery way, leave the thread there so the wound can heal thinly if not removing it, it will be a thicker line... he said its safe and will leave as a thin line on my belly....