8th Dec10, Thursday nite, baby R told me these words and i felt so tired. yes thats how i felt... yesterday was a good day... baby R was better behaved than other days... i shouted less cos she did less rascal stuff to boil my blood... she even helped me thru when i clean up baby in the evening... it was a good day considering the moment i had with her was mostly smiles... my poor gal is getting independent in playing on her own, pretending to read to her toys...
when i put baby R to bed, its still a struggle... to be exact an hour of struggle and now its getting worse as i need the time to set up more bottles for the nite, by the time i get to bed its already 10.30pm to 11pm... so her sharp ears hears all the voices in the living room, pils home past 11pm... its a tough struggle to keep baby R on the bed... 2 days ago, she even resort to pat me to sleep so she can quietly pass me, head for the door and get her way... but i didnt fall for it cos i was struggling to keep myself awake for baby A's feeding time... when one sleeps, the other takes up the slot and if i am lucky, baby A sleeps thru till 1 or 2am... but thats another struggle i face alone... nite duties all done solely by myself cos by the time gx gets to bed its about 2am... sometimes he is still working, he helps with the bottles or he chills out with his games and catches up with the news via com....
seriously its tough on my own thru the day with 2 kids... both needs my attention and poor baby R has to share her time with baby A who keeps me on the toes cos she constantly needs me... after drinking milk, she needs to be burped or she refuse to lie down and end up i have to carry her in my arms restricting me doing things with baby R... then when she is down in her cot, i have to wash the bottles, fix the bottles, catch my bite drink up before baby A wakes up... for a nappy change then milk feed and the cycle runs again... i have about an hour the most so far to do things with baby R.... craft work thats rushed thru, her homework and some quick cuddling...
i felt so tired when baby R told me she wants to make me smile .... cos maybe she misses my smile... she knows i am upset with her fall that left the mark on her nose bridge and eyebrow... but she still runs about the house, climbs everywhere, jump about and off... = constant fear in me and constant shout out to stop her... i am tired but i have to pull thru thou body aches, the lump on my thumb suddenly hurts and its got bigger... thou i have support from mil and gx... i feel pretty much alone and sadly... gx is stuck at work and he prob wish to be around but yet also he finds it hard not to shut his eyes on his kids when he lies on the bed... i think baby R misses his stories before bedtime alot... cos we hardly have him around on weekday nites... baby A also doesnt get much of my attention cos i am always aim to make her nap and when her eyes are open wide at me, i hardly chat with her cos i have to keep an eye on baby R...
i need to smile for my gals... i sure hope this phrase will pass and i get better control of things with my 2 gals... for people who have help as in maids... dun tell me not to shout... try it out for 2 months and counting with an active kid and 2 hourly fed baby .... with no help to wash the numerous bottles needed thru the day and doing nite rounds solely by oneself, then talk to me... i am so tired to be told off by my mum to talk to baby R nicely ( when she is rascal = boils my blood immediately!) be like my aunts... sorry to say... i am really solely on my own... thus i bear all the pain to carry my own baby bag, baby in my arm all the way, facing my hubby who is trying very hard to hold our active on in hand... to enjoy being out of monday-friday haunt... thanks to my aunt A and SI group who gave us vouchers.... i got to do some shopping for baby A and i am looking forward to hit taka to get stuff for our family after xmas... preparing ourselves for cny... tired but its better to have something to look forward to...
tomolo baby R will be flowergal for the first time... no idea if she will freak out or do her walk perfectly... its hard to tell what my little 2 years old will do.... of cos i hope she can do it if not i had warn my cousin about it! dinner would be tough cos with baby A in hand... wonder if she will be good thru... fingers X! i still haven got to try my dresses and decide which to wear... when i consulted baby R before she napped... she said to me - BLACK would be Good! wow... thats what my gal told me!
next Sunday - gx's fren's wedding luncheon, then we go over to my uncle's surprise bdae party and followed by gift exchange for kids cos my aunt O is gog for hols. then the following week we have turkey for xmas at my aunt A's new place... shopping the next day and following week would be 2012 New Year... isnt it fast? Cny is also in January! will this be my last entry for the year? why no pics posted? cos we yet to get my new external drive!
both gals napping... i have a very tired body and heavy heart... i need to pour out before i can take my super achy shoulders to the kitchen to wash up the bottle and fix those in the steriliser! the cycle goes on!
Just in case this is the last you hear from me, esp for my dear frens - the ones i know who reads my blog for sure Shanice - hope you are feeling warm with Toto and hubby this xmas in your far far away white wonderland, Irene - your biggest xmas present is prob spending time with your hubby in your newly renovated house : BIG congrats! Dap - so want to hug you my dear fren and hope you enjoy your xmas and shopping... to the rest of my frens, have a great time with your family and friends and Merry Christmas!
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